this is just a rant because i dont feel like talking to anyone else , so hello my tumblr ninjas !
okay so worst week or so by far or maybe month for that matter.
so theirs this girl im crushin on but we havnt really go to hang much and my attempts to hang out with her have been a fail, but its okay i understand shes busy all the time maybe in the future im patient <—————- kay thats a lie i am not at all lol but she seems worth the effort and wait. on another note shes cute AFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. but yah my friend doesnt approve of my like havin a crush on her n shit cuz he thinks i try to hard to make plans and that shes just stringing me along, but unno i tihnk hes just a lil jeally cuz he knows when i like a girl i dont really go out as much as i would with the bros…..but anyways moving on soo im going to el salvador in like a few hours , which i never chose to go my mom took advantage of my drunkness and asked me if i was sure if i didint want to go its a long story point is im going , which is such a bitch cuz i got roofied like 4 weeks ago and lost my wallet which contained my american passport card ( to travel land and sea no biggy but its a 500$ fine for losing it ) , permanent resident card , sin card , care card, and most importent my Electric daisy carnival card which means more to me then a hundred pounds of bathsalts, and i lost my phone which set me back so much i had to use my iphone ugh . luckily i had my Permanent resident papers put away and birth certificate and my actually American passport. kay so i bought a blackberry last Thursday and i got o a rave on saturday wearing these new sweats and bam falls out and i lose it like just my luck?! but my friend ashley hooked me up with another berry <3 love her for that. and lets see what else my friend who i wont say who has put no effort in tryn to hang with me and shes so called a good friend like wtf i asked her to be my date to my work bbq to which is another long story why but she flaked aswell with no phone call to let me know or nothing and so i didn’t go and everyone even the guests got 100$ gift cards to best buy its like fml . and back to the whole El Salvador trip half my fam is in ms 13 to the most of u you think its nothing but its fucked down there where we live isn’t as bad but everything i had planned is in the fucked up part like u drive by and see ppl get shot in front of u bodies laying around , and if you have tattoos ur automatically gang affiliated so guess what ihave 6 tattoos which i need to cover up with make up which i havnt bought yet and i leave soon its like fuck my aunts told my mom they wont let me leave the house unless ihave some cuz theyll either skin them off ur body or just kill u if ur lucky just kidnap u……. on the somewhat cool side my uncle and my other close friend said ima be strapped and ima take os many pics with all the guns and look thug life lol also booze is like 8$ a 2’6 12$ a 40 pounder and 15$ a 60 pounder and like 20$ for a 24 of beer and also my family has 2 hotels down there and a lounge thats right beside my house so i can drink for free , but back to how it sucks that all the things i wanna do are in bad parts, i find out my uncle fucked up the navigator and now i gotta pay to get it fixed if i even wanna use it. aruna plays the day i come back ugh and im going for a month, i failed my final today for eng lit forsure i did i hope i didint but i know i did , and it was a prereq ugh just blanked out had to much bs in my head going on. i still havnt gotten over my friends death and till this day i drink every chance i get, im off my meds for depression which sucks but i hate them really no diffrence i wear a fake smile with or without them, and lately ive been feeling like a straight fuck up and not worth anything, it feels like this life i live isnt worth its cost, i havtn talked to any of my best friends in like a lil over a week cuz i just cant talk to them about this shit anymore they love me but they feel weird and dont know what to do and esp when i go out with them to like the beach i have scars on my arms and wrists……. its like fuckk….. i just feel like everyone stares at me but i havnt cut recently prob not for awhile , and i honestly can say if it wasnt for EDM i would be dead by now trance has kept my insanity in check. i can just tune out to some above & beyond and just dream. i havnt done drugs in a long long long time aswell which im proud of cuz i hate them either way , i also hate how my friends always ask and try to make me blaze like….. i cant… i just cant. i also hate how i get fall into depression in the worst times i gett he worst mood swings people just think im being a dick and shit cuz i tend to ignore the world and just try to be on my own locked in my room hoping for eveyrthing to be over like a really really bad bad hang over or broken bone that wont heal…. im just ranting about everything thats been bringing me down and shit thats been pissing me off ugh i look out for my friends i tell them wassap but yet they go and take the chance and then come bitchin back how i was right and how they shoulda listen to me its like no…. like stfu dont expect me to be here for you for not taking my advice i just say cool story and just dont listen i cant handle it, for example one of my friends gfs cheated on him, we told him not to take her back and she somehow convinced him she didnt when some of my firends saw it…. yet hes believing her like no…. un acceptable just dont talk to me when it happens all over again i wont be here . oh so yah im scared cuz i have this gut fucking feeling somehting bad is gonna happen when im in el salvador like im so scared to go . sorry im everywhere just tryna rant as fast as i can cuz i needa finish packing for my funeral i guess that is all dont mind the bad grammer and punctuation ……… so that is all thank you for listening hope you day isnt as shit as mine